Top 10 Tips You're Officiating at a Bad Meet

1. Water level rises everytime someone flushes a toilet

2. You're disappointed to find out that watching out for the flash of the starter has little to do with the race start

3. The craft area for the kids consists of a hot sweaty room where they make underwear for K-mart

4. Your last DQ for an illegal backstroke turn was given to a giant June bug in lane 6

5. The storyteller in the day care area is telling a story about how they took care of a Stoolee in the joint

6. You notice they are cooking the hotdogs for lunch over the tailpipe of the meet managers car.

7. The meet location described as a "bright open atmosphere with innovative starting blocks" turns out to be two rickety old docks on a weed infested lake that held an ice fishing derby the week before.

8. You're surprised to learn that Exxon makes a vegetable dip at lunch

9. Starter's pistol says "Donated by Vinny"

10. The special guest star invited to sing the National Anthem turns out to be Yoko Ono